Tag: Jokes

Home Funny Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less then a year later he was in court filing for divorce. “Tell the court…

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter — ten men and one woman. The rope wasn’t strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one person had to leave…

Home Funny Grandpa found a bottle of power tablets Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Man power tablets in his son’s medicine…

A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going…

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When an old woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, Let’s see…

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the…

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her…

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an 18 year old bride who’s pregnant and…

A attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he…

A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big…

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. “Help, help!” yells one of the blondes. “Help us, help us!” yells the other. “Maybe it would help…

Guy visits his favourite DominatrixHe puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”She makes him strip and bend over as she whips…

A boss says to his secretary we are travelling abroad for the week so make arrangements. The secretary makes call to her husband, “My boss and i will be travelling abroad for some…

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas. His mother said she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but suggested that if he wrote to Jesus promising to be a good boy…

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.…

Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we’re on the trucks. From now on, we’re going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When…

Home Funny A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit. She gets two…

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, “We have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings, we put on… A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas.…

His workmates realized that they would have to be the ones to inform his widow of his passing. They trooped over to Patrick’s cottage at the end of their shift and solemnly…

A lawyer is talking to his client.He says, “I have good news and bad news.” The client says, “I could use some good news. What is it?”“Your ex-wife will not make you pay for an…