Tag: Jokes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his…

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the…

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing…

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree: He called a gorilla removal service and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a…

Janice, my sister, had been pestering her husband, a carpenter, for more than a decade to build a screen door for the kitchen. One day, to her delight, he built and installed one…

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!” The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “You are wrong. That’s…

My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, left some tools on my dresser, including a hammer, screwdriver, and chisel. The…

A guy walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “shingles.” So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him…

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been day dreaming for a long time.She decided to get his attention. “Johnny,” she said, “If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty…

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay…

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone…

Little Johnny's mother was baking cookies one day. As she began to put a new batch in the oven, she suddenly noticed Johnny staring at the already baked cookies lying on the…

A man sees a gorgeous and hot woman standing alone at a bar. After tossing back a couple of shots he gets the nerve to approach her and says: “Hi, I was going to tell you a joke…

WO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT…

Two farmers were bragging about how effective each other's scarecrows were. "My scarecrow is so scary," the first farmer said. "That it frightened every single…

The wife comes home loaded with parcels and laughing says to her husband “Honey, I was doing some shopping when I ran out of money. So I came to your office but since you weren’t…

A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”. Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a lot and was sick all…

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.The two were at the same table, across from one another.As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at…

When our son Jimmy went to Navy boot camp, we waited impatiently for word from him. Finally we received a post card telling us he was doing well and we shouldn't worry. It…

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking old drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the old…