A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my eightieth birthday and it’s…

Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the…

Three people want to get into heaven.St Nicholas is the gatekeeper. He says they must give him something related to Christmas to get in.The first person reaches into his pockets and pulls out a leaf.…

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted…

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, out of nothing poured a bag of dog sh*t on my carpet without asking my permission and said, “Sir, if this vacuum can’t clean it completely, I’ll eat…

Home Funny Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip, shopping, casinos, massages, facials Two days before the group is to leave Mary’s husband puts his foot down and tells her…

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in…

Home Funny A couple were sitting in lawyer office A couple were sitting in the lawyer’s office working on their will. The lawyer tells them that they should discuss end of life issues how they want to…

I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a walker gets on. All the other passengers proceed to file on and take up the remaining… In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called…

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. “What are you…

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded,…

A long time ago, a baker and a farmer lived in the same small English village. These two men had a friendly arrangement in place, where the farmer would sell a pound of butter to the baker each day.…

I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a walker gets on. All the other passengers proceed to file on and take up the remaining standing places but she stands close to me, staring me in the…

Mom and her little daughter Maxine are in the kitchen, preparing lunch. Mom is trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rings so she asks Maxine to…