Jokes

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice.…

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up…

  He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. His father replied, “Because when I’m…

There was a trial in a small town in Texas, and the prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, she was a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He…

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered…

  The CIA is interviewing three potential agents — two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun.…

  The CIA is interviewing three potential agents — two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun.…

1. Dial 911 immediately. 2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years. 3. You mean there's something else to do? 4. Threaten…

At the Doctor's Clinic... Patient: Ooh! Doctor, when will this stomach ache go? Doctor: Don't worry, Just follow this prescription and you will get…

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a…

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll…

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda…

Fred was about to go on a hunting trip when he noticed his 21 year old son Jack walking up to him. "Hey Dad," Jack asked. "Can I go hunting with…

My wife and I have this running battle over the temperature setting for our air conditioning. She wants it set cooler. I want it set warmer. After a recent…

YOU MIGHT BE A PREACHER IF... - You've dreamed you were preaching, only to awaken and discover you were. - A church picnic is no picnic. - You wish people…

Mr. and Mrs. Morrison were on a safari in Africa. As they were walking through the jungle, a huge lion comes creeping out towards them, ready to pounce.…

In my job with a delivery company, I was getting directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center…

Think About It... - Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. - What if there were no hypothetical questions? - One nice thing about…

Our 26-year-old son moved back home with the idea to stock away money to buy a condo. We never bothered asking how long he'd planned to stay, but I got a…

I was working in my downtown flower shop, when I noticed a man grab a bouquet and head for the door without paying. By the time I got to the door, he was…