Jokes

"Teacher" was giving her class a little weekly talk on painting, illustrated by reproductions of famous pictures. "Sir Joshua Reynolds," she…

After the woman processes his answer, her eyes widen in disbelief. She laughs awkwardly, but the man remains stone-faced, letting the silence linger just long…

Judge asks the defendant, “Why did you steal that car, Mr. Jones?” Mr. Jones looks down, “I just had to get to work for an important meeting.” The judge keeps…

“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues. “No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear. “Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be…

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example," he said,…

A husband was sitting on the sofa one afternoon when his wife came up behind him and whacked him on the head. The husband asked ‘What the hell was that for?’The…

Two women were drinking coffee and talking. One asked, "So why are you filing for divorce?" The second one replied, "He treats me like a…

A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband:Honey if I die, how long would it take you before you marry a another wife…?!The man replied: Till your…

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my…

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the…

My wife was complaining that I spend too much time on the computer, and not enough time with her. I decided to fix that by having a "movie night" with…

A Cheerio sat at the bottom of a box of cereal, but he longed to get to the top of the box. He had heard at the top of the box, there was a huge party, and he…

"What's that you're reading?" "A diary." "What's in it?" "I can't tell you that! A diary is a highly…

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer and he hear a "Dear Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you…

Our fourth grader celebrated his birthday on crutches, so he couldn’t carry the cupcakes into school without help. I asked our sixth-grader, Noah, to help his…

During the ‘rush hour’ at Houston’s Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft…

My older brother, Lenny, loved to tell the story of what happened to our cocker spaniel, Inky. It seems Lenny was using an open bowl of gasoline to wash some…

Upon getting his own apartment, my brother-in-law received a hand mixer from his mother because of his fondness for mashed potatoes. Later, she asked him how…

An elderly gentleman was in the kitchen and had taken down the wall clock, placing it on the floor in front of him. Then he turned on the kitchen radio tuning…

Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said,…