Jokes

Two happily married 60 year old’s were on holiday when they came across a magic lamp. They rubbed it three times and a Genie came out. The Genie was willing to…

My girlfriend said, “This is over. I’m tired of your weird obsession with wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.” Me: Wait! I can change!

One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears…

My wife, Tere, and I purchased a new car in December. Even though we had tickets to fly from California to Houston to visit her family for Christmas, we decided…

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then…

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of an LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was waiting for…

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate,…

A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him…

A man tells his doctor that he isn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is complete, he says, “Now, Doc, I can…

An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: “May I come in. I lived in this very…

After giving up three runs in the top of the first, the manager runs out of the dugout to have a word with his rookie pitcher. The manager says, “Son, I think…

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended…

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your…

A man enters the emergency room with two black eyes, multiple lacerations, and a seven iron wrapped around his neck. The doctor pulls him into one of the…

A blonde has failed the written driving test four times. At the fifth attempt, she was determined to pass: But the test had the same question. “You are driving…

A man is driving down the highway when he sees a shipping truck wrecked on the side of the road, and 25 penguins waddling around outside it. He pulls over and…

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the…

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?”Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for…

One Sunday morning, the vicar noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there. After the young man of seven…

A deaf man enters a pharmacy to buy condoms and tries to explain what he wants with sign language. The pharmacist doesn’t understand anything so the deaf man…