Jokes

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the…

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to…

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She…

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an 18 year old bride…

Windows: Please enter your new password. User: potatoes Windows: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters long. User: baked potatoes Windows: Sorry,…

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas. His mother said she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but suggested that if he wrote to Jesus…

Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we’re on the trucks. From now on, we’re going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you…

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend’s house and the girlfriend said to her mom, “Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room”… It was…

A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the…

Guy visits his favourite DominatrixHe puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”She makes him strip and bend…

A man and his wife are out driving, and get pulled over by a police officer.The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What’s the problem,…

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to…

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie’s lamp.She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo and behold – a genie appeared.The amazed woman…

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.” He…

A farmer spends $7,000 on a young registered Black Angus bull to mate with his cows.He puts the bull out with the herd, but the animal just eats grass.He won’t…

A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novocain. “No way, no needles, I can’t stand…

A pregnant woman falls into a coma whilst giving birth.After some months, she regains consciousness and she realises that her pregnancy belly is gone.A doctor…

Having raised a large family, my mother cooked everything in battalion-size batches. So when my newly married brother, Ron requested her chop-suey recipe, she…

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her,…

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.They were all excited…