Jokes

Janice, my sister, had been pestering her husband, a carpenter, for more than a decade to build a screen door for the kitchen. One day, to her delight, he built…

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!” The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.…

My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, left some tools on my dresser, including a hammer, screwdriver,…

A guy walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “shingles.” So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance…

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been day dreaming for a long time.She decided to get his attention. “Johnny,” she said, “If the world is 25,000 miles around…

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home! What am I going to…

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”. Her question was, “If you are in a…

Little Johnny's mother was baking cookies one day. As she began to put a new batch in the oven, she suddenly noticed Johnny staring at the already baked…

A man sees a gorgeous and hot woman standing alone at a bar. After tossing back a couple of shots he gets the nerve to approach her and says: “Hi, I was going…

WO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM…

Two farmers were bragging about how effective each other's scarecrows were. "My scarecrow is so scary," the first farmer said. "That it…

The wife comes home loaded with parcels and laughing says to her husband “Honey, I was doing some shopping when I ran out of money. So I came to your office but…

A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”. Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a…

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.The two were at the same table, across from one another.As the meal went on, he took a few…

When our son Jimmy went to Navy boot camp, we waited impatiently for word from him. Finally we received a post card telling us he was doing well and we…

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking old drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned…

sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other. “Now get a little closer…

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table. Springing up, the doctor…

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,trying to decide who was the one in charge…… “I should be in charge,” said the brain ,“Because I run all the…

A man is shopping for a fishing pole at a small fishing and hunting shop; he chooses the largest fishing pole and goes to pay, upon which noticing that the shop…