Jokes

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to…

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.The…

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day.Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him “excuse me, but where…

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. “Sir, we don’t stop at Victoria.”“But I have to get off there!” “Well,…

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife undoubtedly blonde, picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should…

Jane Benson returned home from college one day to see her family. While chatting together at dinner, her five year old brother Joey overheard Jane speaking…

Three Blonds are walking down the street when they see some tracks. The first one said “I think they are dog tracks.” The second one said “I think they are cow…

A blonde car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the…

A wife was a little guilty that her husband wasn’t very happy because she didn’t like to do anything and didn’t want to ever leave the house. With this in mind,…

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will” “Just so you know. I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some…

Little Johnny had left the house to meet his friends without asking his mother. Once he came home, his mother was not pleased. "Johnny," she said,…

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class…

The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.…

Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the…

When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me…

After our brand-new washing machine broke down, my in-laws, my husband, and I were discussing how today’s appliances can’t compete with the quality of those…

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He…

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and…

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you…

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree: He called a gorilla removal service and soon a serviceman arrived with a…