Jokes

The preacher was going for a dinner visit at the home of a family where the Dad was a member of the church but the mother was not. The mother was agreeable that…

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day,…

Officer: You were speeding. Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to…

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?" "Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if…

As Jenna waits in line at the grocery store, she can't help but overhear the conversation of the lady in front of her. "Don't forget to say thank…

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap. “What are you doing in my fridge?”…

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and…

Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them. One man takes a jug of…

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!…

The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his…

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and asked them to write the rest. As You…

The pope is early for his flight. He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he…

"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but…

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is…

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Be more or less specific. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Contractions aren't necessary. 5. One should never generalize. 6.…

Jessie is telling Sam about the new mechanic in the neighborhood. "I'm telling you Sam, that's a mechanic you can trust!"…

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one…

*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug *You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee *You've worn the finish off you coffee table…

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher…

My mom had me at 17 and gave me up. At 20, I found her, but she said, ’’Forget about me! My husband is a powerful man, and he’d leave me if he knew about you.’’…