Jokes

Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. “My grandfather lived to be 96.” “Ninety-six? What finally got him?” “Liquor and women.” “Well,…

An elderly woman in our church congregation had an older-model car that was in excellent condition. As she was driving to town one afternoon, her car was struck…

A newly married couple are in bed when the man asks his wife how many men she has slept with After the question, the woman doesn’t respond. The man asks again…

man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, “Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?”His customer answers in a slurred voice, “My wife caught…

Bill invites his family over for dinner one evening. As they sit at the table, the family notice that the plates don't seem very clean. "Pardon me,…

A flight is on its way to Sydney, Australia when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.The flight attendant…

The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him…

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks…

A blind man went to a restaurant. “Menu sir?” asked the owner. “I’m blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks I will smell it and order.”The confused owner…

Little Johnny's mother is making dinner when Johnny runs up to her, sobbing uncontrollably. "Mom, Mom! I just cleaned my room!" he exclaims.…

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”“Of course childWhat may I do for you?””Well, I…

A Farm Kid Joins the Marines Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a…

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir.…

The man’s wife was upstairs with the boss doing things she shouldn’t be doingA man goes to a restaurant for dinner.He has a seat at a table and opens a menu to…

A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening.The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.Suddenly his car started to…

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for make love.…

2. On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3. Skip down the street, rather than walk and see how many looks you get.4. Order a diet water whenever you go…

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend’s house and the girlfriend said to her mom, “Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room”… It was…

A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll for his daughters birthday.The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95,…

Teacher: "Now, class, can anyone tell me what the word 'Can't' is short for?" Lizzy: "Can not." Teacher: "Very good!…